Seeing an Ex after X years

Although years passed that we haven’t talked to each other, there were times when I still think about that young boy who took my first kiss. Yes, folks. Today’s blog post may consist sort of a letter to my first boyfriend who got married today. Sounds like a great title for a song or a book right?
We weren’t the official boyfriend/girlfriend thing when we
were together because I was too young to know what the hell is a monthsarry or an anniversary. We weren’t also able to take photos of each other together in one photo because smartphones didn’t exist back in 2003. Instead, we had a notebook full of our poems and short messages to each other. We used the telephone to sneak into those late night 5-minute soft whispered conversations. We were hiding from public too because of disagreement from our parents, classmates, teachers, and everyone around. Of course, we were only kids and didn’t know what lies ahead if we took wrong decisions. It felt real. It was like a fairy tale, the us against the world scenario was so mainstream. But when I look at it now, it’s such a cliché. I was 12 when I met him and he looked gorgeous. He was a tall student with that bright smile on his face. A writer and a romantic. The kind of guy a young girl would dream of. He was one of the persons when I was 12 that inspired me to start writing my thoughts. He knew I had potential in writing short stories and I was an attracted 12 year old still trying to figure out how to go home at 5 pm after class back in 2003..

Thirteen years later.. 

A few weeks ago at work, I recognized a tall man walking from his car parked at our parking lot going to our restaurant. I felt like I knew the man because of the walk and the hair. I am nearsighted so I thought that maybe, he was a guest I encountered in the past. After about 15 minutes, a message popped out my messenger. It was him. He asked me if I’m around town and said that he’s a hotel nearby having late lunch with a friend. As kind of the person I am, I said hello first at my reply and asked how he is. I checked out CCTV and instantly knew that it was really him. I went where he was sitting with a friend and said hello. Our conversation lasted only roughly within 5 minutes. Most of it consist of how are your parents, work, your present girlfriend, and life in general. He asked about my ex too who was a close friend of his back when we were in first year high school. He passed by the area where I was working and said goodbye.

A week later, I saw that he was engaged. I’ve experienced learning about an ex getting engaged and getting married later on. This didn’t get me much of attention or depression because I only had an LDR type of relationship with the guy. No physical intimacy or whatever. But this time, this was my first boyfriend getting engaged. It’s not like I still have feelings for him or something. Believe me, I am happy for him now that his parents are happy too since the woman he married has some great title next to her name just like his parents. But I started to have this feeling that as the years passed by, my exes are getting while I am still here trying to make a decision of what to eat for dinner after work or where shall I go on my next day off? Shall I go back to Baguio and meet Sammie and Gami and eat breakfast at Arca’s Yard or Craft Brewery? Shall I go to Vigan? And here are my exes deciding whether they want this type of engagement ring for their long term girlfriend or this type of house for the family they’re building. Sometimes, I do feel like I’m being left out. Not only because of recent engagements and wedding sightings on Facebook but because reality is right in front of my eyes, my best friend’s wedding is only a few months away.

I am happy for him. He finally found the one.

I hope I’ll find mine someday.. 

Continuously dreaming,

Good Shepherd (28)

Raiza

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