Far From Home

It rained today and the rain somehow comforts me in ways that I can’t explain. There are memories frozen in every rain and every dim lit street I pass all these years; memories of a young love so pure and innocent. And so I recollect every time I remember, close my eyes and go back in time..

We stood there side by side under the orange light that barely covers the dark side of the Health Center’s parking area. It was drizzling and I could remember how romantic it felt just standing there with him and looking at the lights of those houses in the mountains hidden in the beauty of the dark. As we stood there, we smell the tasty barbecue being sold near the road, the noise of the children playing basketball, the loud voices of those boys playing DOTA at a computer shop just a few meters from us cheering loudly at each other, we puff every smoke from the cigarette we both hold, and just share our quiet time with each other. Both of us didn’t have a smartphone yet back then, that was 2010. We still use the unlimited call and text service of Globe Telecom which I remember to be PhP25/day. Smartphones were starting to gain its popularity and audience back in that year but to us, a simple phone to reach other through call and text is enough since we see each other every day.  We didn’t need Skype or Viber or even a mobile data to reach each other. Our lives were simple… simpler. We enjoyed our time before my curfew hits. I look at him and see my dream of just staying in love with him for the rest of my days without thinking what he will become after five or 10 years. All my 19-year old self knows is that he’s the greatest love she’s ever known and without hesitations at any situation at all, she will fight for him and never leave him alone whatever the future may bring upon them. But it was a wild reality to dream of.

As I look back now, it was the bliss of young love that puts us to a position of what may be bad for us after years of recollecting only what we have created and not improving on what we do best. We remained stagnant & dependent, and when the emptiness fills in, we start to ask questions.

Why? Why am I here?

What? What have I become?

Who? Who am I to blame?

Where? Where am I supposed to be?

When? When will be happy again?

We fool ourselves in the concept of happily ever after instead of working on making it a reality.

Our logic and understanding made us who we were back then.

But our differences six years later make us who we never want to be.

Chances are.. we love but don’t understand.

And for the worst, we don’t understand and we never address the issues piled up over years of indifference and incompatibilities.

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