An Old Sister, Eight Time Zones Away

It’s been months since I started carrying this burden of stressing myself which to prioritize first and what are the things that I wanted to achieve in the next three to five years. I have come to a conclusion that I relied so much on my significant other without looking at my own wellbeing. I KNOW. I mentioned in a lot of my blog posts about how I am trying my best to put myself first in my decisions and the things that I wanted to do. But every time I do, all I could think about is to do it with him and to have him beside me while trying to achieve those goals. However, the last year has been so complicated that it came to a point that we wanted to give up on our love to each other. It’s frustrating how life and experience changes the way we perceive what move to do next. 

I wanted to talk about it with my brother but knowing that he’ll be biased with his comments and reaction towards my situation since he’s my brother, I consulted someone who is both close to me and my significant other but not blood related. Ate Lala is the first lady that I was able to be friends with and get along immediately right when I met her. She’s a cool wife and mother. Just want to let you know that Ate Lala is the wife of significant other’s closest first cousin to him. I looked up to them like our godparents when my significant other and I started dating. That was six years ago and I am still looking up to them. Their family lives in Thailand now and having only been able to send messages when they have their birthdays or Christmas or New Year, I was really hesitant to send a private message in this crisis that me and my significant other is going through (or so I know..). I’ve wanted to talk to her since October of last year to ask if she can give me some advice on how to handle what me and my significant other is experiencing (or.. I’m experiencing). I told her my frustration of not knowing my significant other being clueless of what he will be doing for the next five years, him still living with his parents and just generally still very dependent to his family. I know that there’s nothing wrong in being dependent to one’s family because I mean, they are there to support all of us all the time but at the age of 25, when you’re still living in your parents’ house without a job but with a, maybe you should start asking yourself what are you actually doing to improve your life and yourself as a person. Some people may judge me about this and ask why I’m complaining when I could just leave him alone and start off a new relationship with a man who is more mature and responsible with his life. But I am not that type of person… anymore. I am not complaining. I am trying to improve and be by his side until he realizes what he has to do because that is what I understand love do. Yes, love. Oh yes, the word that we use to excuse ourselves from being who we are supposed to be and just enjoy the moment of ecstasy and cloud nine. After telling her everything, she told me that what I was feeling was normal and shouldn’t be something to worry about. She told me that my significant other’s family side really matures later than other people. They tend to be so dependent to their family because the family can provide and that they seem to not worry about their own lives because their parents are there. Being understanding and not leaving my significant other’s side and love is the best thing that I could do right now for him. But I told her that we might grow apart and I worry that one day, he might not feel the same way when he finally reaches a stage in life that he’s matured enough to be on his own and he might not need me anymore. She told me more of her experiences and asked me to be more understanding and maybe focus more on my own goals as a person. Not really to set aside my significant other but to prioritize first my own life. She said that I still have a lot of things to do to enjoy being 25. I cannot share more of what we talked about but it’s generally about some specific topics in significant other’s family with being overprotective.  I thanked her so much on everything that she has shared with me and told her how much I miss hanging out with her and her husband like before. She asked me when I would visit Thailand and told her that hopefully on my next vacation which I still didn’t decide when because I am busy finishing my cross training. It will depend on the new department that I’ll be moving to if they will allow me this year to go home. I said my goodbye and told her that I’ll catch up soon because I am quite busy at work and only had the time yesterday because it’s really becoming a burden that I keep it to myself and making myself crazy overthinking trying to figure out what to do next. She told me that I can always just send her a message if I’m stressed about me and my significant other. She’s the best person that I can think of to always run to about these issues.

One more thing that she told me is to pray.

It won’t hurt.. Praying for a relationship to work.

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