Distorted Thoughts

There is no exact definition on how I should be feeling right now. I should be happy and contented right? I have a job that I enjoy, a boyfriend who has a BMW but no job, a smart phone that I use solely for YouTube and communication, a laptop to fulfill my excessive laziness in writing my thoughts and in watching lovely series like The Originals (which I am currently addicted to because of Marcel and Klaus), and an apartment which I am not paying for. This is so far.. far from good compared to the little house that I had back in the Philippines where I pay PhP 5,000 a month plus electricity and water charges.

Living independently isn’t easy.

I am days away from turning 25 and months away from my passport expiry and this reminds of something. When I received my passport and when I had my first job and started living the life that I’ve always wanted which is away from my parents ( it’s only 2 hours away  but I consider it away because I get to live in my own), I was only 20. That was five years ago.. Time passed by so quickly. I felt like it was only yesterday when I graduated from college and didn’t know what the hell I was going to do next. My priority back then was to leave our home, get any job even though it’s not related to my course, enjoy the money, and live away from my parents. But now, my priority’s a little distorted.

 

 Living away from my parents and family has an extensive amount of price to be paid but has earned me a lot of experience in life. I started to think whether I am making the right choice in anything or not, for me. Or am I making my choices solely for me, or for my significant other, or my parents, or my life in the future? I am 9 months in my second contract with the company I joined here in Bahrain since March of 2013 and I am still trying to convince myself to renew to earn that 5-year pin from this amazing hotel chain. But my interest of getting a cat, live in Baguio for the next years of my life with a simple job will not let me even survive for a day. Finding a job is a start but a job that pays only PhP 8,000 a month won’t even let me feed myself for a month, more so my parents, and the cat. So here I am still waiting for another 15 months to pass to let me re-think of what I should do and where I should be for the next five years of my life.

Sincerely,

Iya Rai

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