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Here I am again hiding under the pages of a forsaken and forgotten blog for a month.

Haha! A dark intro to get your curiosity in my absence for one month. I haven’t been blogging for a month due to my inability to update and let the world know that I am trying my best to start living a healthy lifestyle. I didn’t want to let everybody know that I am trying to eat healthy and exercising everyday but not losing that much weight. Apparently, the discipline that I’ve been bragging about a few months ago about my healthy eating is still not enough to lost more weight. But I realized today and reminded myself over and over again why I created this blog. I don’t have to say sorry to anybody for not updating it and for posting whatever the hell I want on it. You see, I became so cautious of what to post a month ago. I don’t know why. But I came to my senses why I created this blog away from Facebook world. However, I now see the pitiful effect of not reading WordPress and not writing in my blog has done to my way of thinking. I became attached to Facebook, Instagram, and a game called Restaurant Town, which doesn’t even impact or help my life get any better. Facebook made me feel more jealous an old classmate who went to Paris before me while I try my best to save money just to go there – it even made me evaluate and pity myself how well off her family is; that she doesn’t need to send money to her parents and that she doesn’t have a boyfriend back home who is waiting hopelessly for her to come home every year and spend it in Philippines instead of travelling in another country. Instagram made me feel more of the person who should be updated with the latest trending photos although it helps me in finding new places to explore and ideas on how to do marketing in relation to my job but it created an obsessive vanity inside. I had been fooling myself of feeling good and posting these photos that didn’t truly reflect the way I feel everyday struggling, missing, and getting in between of going back to Baguio, be with my significant other, or try my luck in applying in another country. Restaurant town has led me to have the responsibility to always update the recipes I cooked which will never help me improve my life in any way. I neglected doing the training that I have to complete before October starts. I’m afraid that no promotion will even be given due the issues in our nationality with the management so I feel like even if I do my best in my job, there’s no point because promotion will never come my way. It’s too early to predict and hope but with the work I’m doing for the department it makes me question myself why I’m still here. But I have new ideas too if I plan to go home. Although I haven’t given up going to Paris or Japan, I feel hopeless sometimes because I can’t have a stable job and a stable love life at the same time.

I overindulged myself in working out 1 hour a day that made me neglect posting and putting my self-proclaimed writing license into practice. I made a Qatar Airways open day recruitment passed by without doing something about it. It seems that every time I do an effort, it’s never enough to persuade someone to at least help me reach what I’ve been aiming for. I now sound like a complaining baby about everything that should’ve been mine, should’ve been happening, and blaming every single person I see for not having the same life that I have with other classmates and schoolmates that I had. However bad my perspective is, I still try to remind myself every day that being grateful, thankful, and contented must be prioritized. So I try to remind myself that every morning…

“Be happy. You have a job, you’re alive, and breathing..”

Sincerely overthinking,

Iya Rai

I’m only 24 with no husband and no children to support so I should be happy enough.. Standing alone and independent. I still have a lot of things ahead of me.
Photo source: Google


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