The Confused 24-year old

It’s strange how denial can get us through the day but sometimes unconsciously, reality hits us hard. It’s been weeks of dreaming about Baguio City and being with my friends although some of us are not living there anymore. I told my significant other that I only dream about Baguio two nights in a row because I didn’t want him to think something else. But in myself, I know that I miss Baguio more everyday. 

I just finished watching the last episode in season 6 if Sex and the City and it kind of reminds me now why I never have so much friends here in the ME or should I say friends with strong connections because I never wanted to. I have my room mate as the closest friend and I must say, my only friend from work and in ME. One of my friends is living in Abu Dhabi and she’s got her relatives there. But I’m not as strong as her to make new connections. I see her wall posts in Facebook meeting new friends and going out with them but I had to accept that I’ll never be able to be strong like her and even though how much I try to let go of my cigarette best friend, it sinks in to me that I need it when I miss Abi or Gami. But I can’t go home now. I don’t have enough savings to live in Baguio or anywhere in the Philippines with the comfort that I have right now. Yes, I know that my salary and my free accommodation here doesn’t give me the emotional comfort I need but the persons I dream about every night, I wonder if they dream of me too. And Baguio, oh the fog and the rain, I wonder if Baguio misses me too.

Sincerely,

Iya Rai 💋

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