Avoiding Sleeping after 1am

Emotional breakdowns are simple but destructive. What?

I try to avoid sleeping later than 1 am because the loneliness creeps in to me and it makes me breakdown in my bathroom for 30 minutes wasting tissues and waking my room mate making her feel like she’s dreaming that someone’s killing herself with depression. These past months had been disturbing with the way I react to things such as my long distance relationship. It is crazy agonizing to hear and see myself behave like this. I am putting pressure to my significant other, my mother who I texted a few weeks back because of stress from work and not having the boyfriend to embrace after a full load of bullshit from work, missing my friends because I have decided not to make friends and deep connections with people here, and hating the fvcking hot weather. 

My bestfriend made it clear in her last email that the reason that I might be feeling this ways is because of thy significant other’s incapability to produce a plane for himself. If he can’t specifically have a plan for himself, how am I supposed to be clear with the goals that I have to reach? There is a conflict though. We have to compromise. But we just can’t because he’s taking up his masterals now and I’m still stuck here working my ass off still looking for another job. Yes, I miss him and I wanted so bad to go home but I’m sorry that I can’t sacrifice this comfort and job opportunity for a hug. I’ve sacrificed enough, he should sacrifice some things too for us. I don’t want to talk more about him and make this post be like the posts I wrote in my older blog which I promised never to write about again. 

I’m trying my best to avoid the emotional breakdowns. 

Sincerely emotionally breaking down,

Iya Rai đź‘„

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