Addictions: Caffeine & Cigrarettes

Caffeine is addictive and so are cigarettes. They are a perfect match to a wonderful foggy and cold afternoon. They are perfect and are my best rescues in days when I feel lonely or just having the feeling to disconnect from other people. When I was in college, I used to have at least an hour away from my friends to reflect or be alone. I go to my favorite coffee shop in SM Baguio, Saint Café. It is always packed in the afternoon with students and in the later years of my college life, more Korean students are going. It has the perfect location where a person can watch the sunset over the mountains or not. It depends when the clouds are there or not.

When I arrived here in Bahrain, it was still the cold season but as they call it here, it’s still winter. So I used to still do whatever I used to do back then. Cold season, cigarettes, and a cup of hot coffee will definitely make my day..

My routine in college was broken when I started to date my current significant other. Well, I used to go out with him and a couple of friends before we started going out as a couple. We share the same problem. We like to be alone, cold weather, cigarettes, and a cup of hot coffee makes us happy. But when we started to go out, our conversations were added as an addiction. It was five years ago when he caught my heart over three hours of conversation, cigarettes, and a cup of hot coffee. We still do the same when I went back home during my last vacation and it makes me wonder how we were able to keep it. There is something about conversations that fascinates me every time we’re together.

But since I started to have a healthier lifestyle and try to cut down smoking and coffee, I am raised to the idea that am I changing who I am or who I was? I have written this today due to letting myself have a cup of caramel cappuccino today from our employee dining room. I’ve been trying to avoid the coffee machine in the past months not to be tempted to take in coffee. I have traded coffee for warm water with 2 slices of lemon and a couple slices of cucumber. I wasn’t able sleep properly last night because of a reason that I not know so I told myself that it won’t hurt to have a cup of coffee today. But the taste of it just makes me feel like the addiction is kicking in again. I have been smoking since 2006 and it’ll be the 10 year anniversary next year. I started to cut down earlier this year. From smoking a pack a week to smoking 1 or 2 sticks a day is a big change. Although I still haven’t removed my habit of smoking a lot while drinking or when I am stressed.I am truly doing my best to cut it down. I even started running and it had made me have fewer cravings to smoke. I used to smoke regularly; right after waking up –coffee plus a cigarette before even having breakfast, after meals, before and after work, and before going to sleep. But now I have started to do my workout right after I wake up and drink lots of water. I stopped drinking coffee in the morning and substitute hot chocolate or just water. I know that it might sound to others that I’m trying too hard to be healthy but yes, I need to. I started to realize that my 24-year old body will not be able to inhale more carbon dioxide for the following years to come and staying healthy will not only save me from having possible heart problems due to a lot of years smoking but will make me feel better as well. I am not doing this to please anybody else but to please myself.

Addictions are hard to remove but there will always be a reason to get them off our systems. Coffee and cigarettes will always have a place in my heart due to the damage that was done. But I am still thankful that however they may destroy me physically, they will always be the greatest rescues in my life mentally and emotionally.

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