I somehow had the feeling to start writing again at my old blog. It has only been three months since I officially left my blogspot site. It was pretty nostalgic but I wanted a place where I can experience my comfort zone and this is this site. This wordpress blog that I have created is my place where I can say whatever I wanted to say. But that blog used to be it. What happened? I started to get jealous of other bloggers getting a lot of views and have tried my best to be the same. Why do we always get the feeling that we should be doing what others are doing? So that we’ll look cool? Or we’re just trying to make them even feel greater because we wanted to be like them?. I used to doubt my writing skills and the way I make my posts but I am glad that people here at WordPress appreciate it. On the other hand, I felt like I wasn’t appreciated at blogspot so I moved. But why do we need appreciation? TO HAVE A MOTIVATION.
Isn’t writing your thoughts enough as a motivation? I was so conscious of people reading my blog. But why should I? It’s my way of voicing out my thoughts that I cannot verbally say at the moment. Writing helps so much for someone locked in a place where I can’t even find a single friend except for my room mate. I lost a lot because I have chosen to lose it. Now, I am reaping the consequences of my actions. One word vomit post is not enough to write how I feel about what I’ve done to people who have been a part of my life since 5 or 7 years ago? I felt so away and disconnected because I have chosen to look and feel that way. But if I should’ve changed my perspective and createed assumptions and expectations then, I wouldn’t have been facing this misery… of not having these friends back. It was a childish act and mistake that I never should’ve done since I’m 24. Confusion? Yes, I’m confused. But the damage is done and all I got to do is to move on and hope for them to forgive me. I don’t know if they will be able to read this in the future. But I am hoping for them to contact me. Because I am trying to contact them too. I just need someone to talk to. Someone I’ve known and who knows me deeply.