One waiter approached me today and I was shocked with that kind of courage to be frank and say to my face why I always look like it’s the end of the world, I only give a little smile whenever someone’s asking me if I’m okay, and silent.
Okay, he emphasized being silent. I felt like I grew to this person who cannot consider the role of the hypocrite even at work. I know, I should be professional and all but I miss my friends and my significant other back at home that it makes me sick even and mad to stay in my current position as a cashier because my department still hasn’t released me. And who is he kidding? I worked from 7pm to 3am last night (from last night until this early morning) and I have to come to work on an Opening-Closing shift today, that’s Noon-3am. I know that he doesn’t know what I’m going through but people should be more sensitive before asking questions and ask themselves first that if they look like me as well, what do they think they are going through? A rough day? Stuck in a bad schedule?
I know I had been having issues lately and I couldn’t even figure out what really makes me cry, sad, upset, and depressed. I don’t know if it’s my job, being away from home, missing my significant other (but at the same time feeling like I shouldn’t go home so that he will know my worth and he might as well do efforts to come see me in the ME despite all the odds of expensive plane ticket and visa), seeing my friends get together in Facebook and feeling left out cos I’m not there, or the pressure of deciding whether to save money for travelling or for a house and lot. There are really a lot of things lately that I couldn’t handle. My mom just recently sent me a message in Viber which pushed me to post my Married Couples: Childhood Ruined post last week. My father told me that he needs money to buy a new glasses cos he lost his old reading glasses in Manila while applying for a job. I’m not earning PhP 30k a month. If I do with overtime, it’s either I have a high expense with my private taxi or buying needed items for my room and work.
My significant other’s holding my ATM card back at home cos I cannot trust my mother enough on it. I feel like my savings will be 0 by the time I go home.
It’s a pretty harsh real world,eh?
Or maybe, I’m just born unlucky.
Or maybe, as my sister-in-law always says, “It’s just a matter of perspective.”
Because ate, I know you found out about my blog. And you’re reading this right now. Bleh!
Now my wordpress is not so secret anymore. Wait,what? 😣