Married Couples: Childhood Ruined

My parents were married at a very young age. I think 80% of young adults like me has parents who engaged into getting married early due to the fact that they were a part of the Baby Boom generation or whatever they call it. But good for some who have parents in a country where divorce was allowed. Back in the Philippines, annulment is only allowed due to our respective religious beliefs, I guess. When I was in high school and we used to have debates, divorce was one of those topics that are often brought up to class and more than half of the class is against it but not for me. I don’t know why but I’ll always be a pro divorce. Not that I just love married couples who break up but I know as I child who experienced to see a lot of fights between my parents knows how a marriage can fall apart into pieces. Although, most common reasons are lack of intimacy, distance, and just plain human nature. I was a child who witnessed a scene where my mother was actually holding a knife and running after my father. It was such a terrible memory, I was crying. All I can remember was that I was crying and I don’t know who to call because my brother was two hours away from home studying in college. And even though I just recall it now, as a child, I am bruised forever..¬†emotionally.

I was taught at a young age to love unconditionally. But when I witnessed that scene, I was so confused and was emotionally strangled maybe for the rest of my life questioning how could a marriage work when I can’t even see a simple example from my parents. I couldn’t think or even take into consideration that me and my brother were accidents. Hello, 10 years apart. We have a 10 year gap. Yes, my brother’s 34 and I’m turning 24.

But I’m still hoping. Maybe, this is the main reason why I have trust issues within my relationships that I feel like my significant other will do the same as to what my… ugh, I can’t even say it. I’m embarrassed.

I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to be stuck in a relationship where I’m not happy. I can’t even say if they still love each other or maybe they’re just doing it for us..

When it comes to raising us, I can’t think of a better parent than them. My father worked in Saudi for 19 years, living in a foreign country for less than two years kills me, I can’t even imagine 19 years.. Well, he had two children to feed and a wife to provide so I guess, that’s what pushed my father.

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