I made sure that I’m not crying while making this post today. My emotions were literally crushed by knowing something that’s been happening for the past months without even noticing it. Most people will call me stupid for keeping my eyes shut and was only opened by the time that somebody threw the evidence right in my face and it hurts. You know those things that happen in the movies and fairy tales? Well, I’m not a fan of fairy tales and I don’t like princes. But I’m a fan of romantic/comedy movies. So should I blame those movies, their writers and directors for making me believe in something so fictional (it hurts now, really)?
I want to blame myself for letting myself and my sub conscious believing such monstrosity. But what can I do? I was blinded by the lights of the so called love that my eyes were silently shut kept in a prison of something I called my greatest love. I’m not trying to be bitter but I want to blame myself for it. The last thing I want to do is to blame other people when in the first place, I was the one to believe and let my brain process that if I do something good (well this time, sacrifices) it will be returned to me the same way or something greater. But the sacrifices I have made four years ago for someone special is now kind of useless.. cos the person never saw it as a sacrifice I have made out of love.. to make the person happier.
So the next time I make certain sacrifices, I should inform the person first? Should it even be given in return? Well that’s my principle.. or maybe, it’s not the time yet to be given in return? I don’t know, but by the way he/she talked to me, it seemed like, it wouldn’t.
So next time I make unconditional sacrifices, I should make sure that the person’s worth sacrificing for.
I was 19, so please be easy on me.
I was 20, I was blown away by both of physical and emotional effects of love.
I was 21, independence and being away from my parents was the blindfold used against my eyes shut down.
I was 22, friendships started to rattle and I didn’t have anybody to go to.
I am 23, away from everything I loved.
I will be 24, I’ll make sure that my choices will be in my favor.