Locked Heart and Soul

Is there something wrong with me if I shut my doors and windows down? If I build walls around me, would that make me a bad person? Or a person who’s not living, but more of just being..alive,physically? But not wholeheartedly..

It was my choice not to make deep connections at work and it was a good choice. I never get hurt if they leave. I am not reponsible if they get sick or whatever bad happens to them. Does that make me a bad person? It is a personal choice and I think that people who surrounds me should respect that. I love being by myself and with myself. Years ago, I wasn’t. I tend to depend on my friends and relatives for advice to somehow decide what to do. But that was years ago when I was a child.. A teen.. Maybe my early 20s as well. But when I went overseas, it was hell of a change. I suddenly wake up in the middle of the night crying and thinking how I’m going to survive a place with no friends at all. I’m friendly, trust me. But living here in almost two years, I have watched how people live,lie, work, and build false relationships. This situation opened my eyes that I can never trust people here. I tried my best to stay away and even though I did want to make friends, I have chosen not to. I didn’t want to be a part of their false friendships. I didn’t want to judge and I didn’t want to open myself to people I can’t trust.

When I came here, I saw a lot of different attitudes, cultures, and ways of thinking. It opened my eyes wider to keep my heart and soul safe, untouched by the unkind species. It’s better locked that way than open it just to let it tear apart by their dirty little job tricks.

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